A few days ago the FedEx guy knocked on my door and delivered me a book I've been eagerly anticipating to read. "Real Marriage" by Mark & Grace Driscoll. I'm only a quarter of the way through The Driscoll's book but have benefited tremendously from their vulnerableness, a long with their advice for married couple. I found one question in general to be remarkably important, yet unspoken in Ashley and my marriage.
How Can I Love You Better?
Ashley and I discussed the question and it turned out to be very beneficial for her and I. Some of the answers hurt to hear as I didn't realize how unloving I can be in certain situations, but in the end it strengthened our marriage and we grew closer to Jesus as a couple.
The major way I can love Ashley better is summed up in Colossians 3:19:
"Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them."
I can be harsh with Ashley. Not physically, but emotionally. I can carry a heavier load then her in many areas of life and expect her to do the same. That is selfish of me, and very unloving. She has been feeling like she keeps letting me down as she fails to live up to "My Standards", which I subconsciously created by putting out those expectations. I love her so much and really appreciate her being vulnerable enough to express that pain, and my sin.
If we don't fight for Jesus to be at the center of our marriage, and "Our Standards" by which we live then our marriage would rely on one another, and that would be disastrous. Only Jesus can bring two sinners together for His Glory!
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